Please update your records

I need to air a grievance about my apartment building. This has nothing to do with the fact that they raise my rent every 2 months (i've asked for legal consult on this because I don't know my own rights).
This doesn't have to do with the bathtub that has been leaking into my kitchen and causing parts of ceiling to fall down into my food.
This doesn't have to do with that time our toilet would explode every time we tried to flush it and the onsite manager said I was doing it wrong and came into my apartment to potty train me. "Ok honey. now this is how you flush a toilet." and while he pressed down for the most gentle flush, the toilet water Old Geyser'd him in the face while I sang "God Bless America" and applauded his very helpful lesson.
This barely has anything to do with the fact that my car has been broken into twice and the landlord suggested I park on the street (oh by the way, I pay for parking in my building) to avoid this happening again, which I did and it resulted in the 3rd break-in (this time going for the big guns and shattering every window in my car so they could steal a Britney Spears CD. Jokes on them. I also had it on itunes! Sucker!).
This doesn't even have anything to do with the fact that my landlord is probably the most condescending asshole I've ever met and he doesn't know that the maintenance man and I have club meetings to make fun of him and his stupidity. I'm president, but we are looking for a VP because Ephraim ran for (and won) Treasurer. We complain over text so it requires 0 effort or clothing.

It's because I got THIS in my mailbox. Updated. Thanks.

 

(that is not my address. do not send delicious treats and stunning bouquets here.)